I’m home and bored. This morning I watched Jeremy Kyle shout the shit out of some 16 year old for taking drugs. Then he got two parents up to talk about the ecstasy related deaths of their children:
“Do you know what that’s like?” “Do you know what it is to go and visit your own child’s grave! To outlive your own offspring!”
Real anger from the parents – understandably so, their children are dead and being exploited by Mr Kyle, who obviously “got lost in the moment” teaching this hooligan a lesson about doing cannabis and “E”. I think he would do better to direct his anger at something a little more worthwhile than a raving teenager who will undoubtedly grow out of it! Jesus. I’m gonna see if he has a website with his smug face on the front page, I’ll bet he does..
get over it Jeremy, go and shout at someone who deserves it.
“Guests sometimes take offense at Kyle’s comments,” yeah because he takes the moral high ground.
“One guest even attempted to throw a chair at him, but he often justifies his criticism by claiming that he only wants to help them.”
Fair enough, these idiots are stupid enough to go on the show, they know what they’re letting themselves in for, but who the hell does he think he is! I would like to see that chair jammed up his tight ass, sans lube, so he shits bloody splinters for a week.
“Kyle recently claimed on air that his show was watched by 1.8million viewers, a very high figure for a daytime chat show.”
I bet he’s got a tiny cock.
Okay, about a month on –
I watched Jeremy Kyle again the other night at about 3am, I couldn’t sleep, and I have a morbid fascination with it. For some reason, I find it impossible to watch without writing about what a twat he is at the same time, am I obsessed with this man?
According to an article in the Guardian (i won’t be wholly surprised if you don’t actually want to read it, even if it is much better than this, which to be honest is just me bitching) teenage girls think he’s “Well Fit” and “Goooorgeous” but the journalist who sat through a live show in the name of research notes his “ungallant” side as well as the confrontational charm the teenage girls are wetting their knickers over.
It sounds hilarious, he gets the audience warmed up (to want to shag him) by some badly-paid out of work comedian, and then he comes on before the show is on air to talk to them too. He basically takes the piss out of random members of the crowd! An older member of the audience gets told “Past your best aren’t you?”
But look! He’s so genuine!
He has a sickening combination of laid back body language *leans back in his chair, one leg casually balanced over the other but not crossing them because he’s not camp* and a really oppressive tone of voice.
One of his tactics is to befriend the first person he talks to, the one who presents the story,
(Say, “My lesbian lover is pregnant with my dads or my brothers baby and I want a lie detector test for her and a DNA test for him to see if its my real dad and then I’m going to reveal that I used to be a male prostitute diagnosed with AIDS”)
and then when the lesbian lover comes on stage – to a mixed response from the audience {It’s not Jerry Springer, we are British, and we like to give everyone a fair shot} he shoots down the one he’s taken under his wing leaving the poor sod looking dejected and betrayed, but leaves us thinking “Ooh he’s so unpredictable, what will he do next? Who’ll feel the sharp edge of his tongue of judgment? Who’s relationship will be scorned with a sweeping statement backed up by nothing but an opinion of a man who won’t even listen?”
His second tactic is to be extremely humble by crouching {so he can be ready to spring up with an insult quicker than if her were sitting} on the floor below the contestants (- guests,) looking up to them with his piercingly blue eyes and I’m-trying-not-to-smile-at-how-right-I-am mouth. However, he then shouts at them like they’re his 5 year old children, and very nearly bangs their heads together and sends them to bed without pudding.
After we’ve heard both sides of the story he proceeds to whip the audience up into a frenzy, with a senseless stream of sentences that gradually raise in tone reaching a crescendo of exasperation and total disbelief, leaving him collapsed; red faced and wheezing, holding his limp cock in his hands.
No sorry, the audience claps and whoops, overjoyed at the outburst of emotion from this forthright man “If only we could all speak to people like this, the world would be a much better place”
THEN to top it all he interrupts the guests final attempt at communication with each other by rounding it all up in one succinct dollop of aggressive Jeremey Wisdom like:
“I suggest you two sort it out FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN, CALL YOURSELF A MOTHER??” *Walks away shaking his head, he’s washing his hands of these two, he’s had enough, Jeremy Can Do No More*
The crowd go wild, they’re giddy now; hats fly in the air, confetti streams from the roof, bouquets are thrown on stage.. young scamps have their hair ruffled, women swoon, men want to be like him. In short; Jeremy is worshipped.
Guest 1 breaks down, lesbian lover holds her hand and looks greatfully at the God of Agony Aunts with a tear in her eye. They can’t speak but their faces say “We could never have done it without you”
The couple are carted off to talk to “Graham” who is a mystical man sitting back stage, apparently qualified to talk to you about your problems, but really he’s just glad of the work because since Cilla stopped doing Blind Date he’s been twiddling his thumbs down Ladbrokes and has run out of money for Special Brew.
“For some in the audience this is a theatre of the absurd” and that is exactly it, the guests are observed and judged and picked on as if they don’t actually exist, so that makes it okay for a man like Jeremy to basically shout at them.
Jeremy Kyle Show spokeswoman defending attacks: “We’re not there to throw stones at people, like in the old days, it’s more caring than that.”
Ha! So, all you can say in defense is that it’s more caring than “the old days” when people were hanged in public for entertainment! Verbal stones, emotional nooses, that’s all I’ll say.
still checking for nits 