disgusting student meals

meal no.1

ingrediants
-half a tin of beans
-bottom of a bag of red lentils
-bottom of a bag of rice
-three old mushrooms {black. slimey}
-stolen tomato someone left lying about
-garlic
-ginger
-curry powder

okay, cook lentils for ages… with some ginger and curry powder, then put the rice on, then start frying the mushrooms. peel em first if they’re starting to smell like that disgusting rotting-flesh slimey smell… add garlic clove and lemon juice if you can nick a lemon, we still had a jiff lemon thing from pancake day. add lentils when cooked….burn them a bit by forgetting to turn down the hob… add old tomato… ruin by adding the half tin of beans… then pile on top of the rice.
TOP WITH CHEESE

it actually tastes really nice {the bits with cheese on} but maybe that’s cos all i’ve been eating at the moment is beans on toast, or portions of a large vat of cheap homemade curry. my poor poor bowels.

disusting student meal no.2

ingrediants
-9p noodles from supermarket – any flavour
-tin of tuna
-cheese

cook noodles, takes 4 minutes, flake in the tuna {gotta use the word flake there, just to add to the image of dryness} disguise taste with LOTS OF CHEESE

this is not nice. really. tuna and chicken flavoured plasticy long thin bits of “food” covered in cheap cheese….

disgusting student meal no. 3

ingrediants,
-pasta {preferably shells or squirls}
-tuna
-cheese

cook pasta. add tuna. stir in LOTS OF CHEESE.

that’s it. it’s actually really nice. but its probably not really that good for you over a sustained period of time

disgusting meal no.4

ingrediants
-rice
-a potato
-an onion
-some lentils
-some sort of flavouring 0 like curry powder/garlic
-half pint of water

chuck the onions, rice and garlic water and potato into a pan,cover with the water. simmer for ages.

tastes of nothing.

disgusting student meal no.5

ingrediants
-rice
-tinned salmon

cook rice. again, flake in salmon/catfood.. try not to gag… and don’t even top with cheese…throw half of it away and steal someone else’s food/go shoplifting

always steal things from other people… if you can’t do it without being really obvious, steal bits of things from several people to make up the right amount.
always top with CHEESE
kidney beans or equivalent can be chucked into nearly anything
as can sweetcorn i reckon, but it’s fucking rank so don’t
i could probably think of more meals that i’ve made if i tried.. but these are off the top of my head.

ps. you’ll be hungry again in less than an hour after eating any of these